Sometimes the answer is more nuanced than normal or requires cutting through a Gordian knot of related issues. But, occasionally, I’ll get a letter from a reader that requires a deeper and more thorough dive than the usual request for advice.This is why there are a of false positives in online dating. I have confided in my best female friend, who’s in a relationship. When I expressed the amount I get rejected, she was taken aback, and said “Women are silly – and that’s coming from a feminist”. I hear this a from people who believe that they’re the kings of compartmentalization, who believe that they have mastered the poker face and have so squeezed their negative attitude down that nobody ever sees it. This whole Harvey Weinstein thing has, rightly, exposed a gender inequality in which women frequently feel sexually endangered.

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You weren’t required to see them again; you didn’t dig them and that was the end of that.

If you were to get a second date with someone and realize that you weren’t actually into them and decide not to see them again, then you would be dictating terms there, too. You can take all of five seconds to read through Buzzfeed listicles about women’s dating woes to realize that they’re dealing with the same bullshit you are.

And despite spending the last 11 years trying to find a girlfriend, I haven’t had a single one, and – to add insult to injury – I’m still a virgin! Of those, I felt the vast majority went well – I do have social skills after all – and I expressed interest in a second date for 17 or 18 of the women…

Right, here’s the first thing that leaps out at me: out of 20 dates, you’ve wanted to have a second date with 90% of them. is a discerning that you’ve only ever gone out with people who were exactly what you’re looking for… One of the issues with online dating is that it’s impossible to successfully gauge compatibility without meeting in person. You can have great, flirty conversations via text and instant messages or even Snapchat.

One: the guy freaks out and reacts angrily or violently – it’s a trap, she’s a sex-worker looking for a client, whatever. – On the rare occasions that I do get a date, and I feel I make a good impression, I’m rejected after the first hurdle. – For me, It is not reasonable expect chemistry after speaking to a stranger for 2 hours, and 3 or 4 dates are required to see if there is any compatibility. Remember what I said about your having a Somebody, Anybody, Everybody problem? If you have chemistry with vibe, which is going to be a turn-off to just about every woman you meet.

Two: he vastly overestimates her interest; she says “Hey, my name is…” and he hears “TAKE ME IN A MANLY FASHION IN THE BATHROOM, YOU STALLION YOU”. Respecting somebody’s boundaries or actively getting consent isn’t “repressing” anything. – One or two matches – if that – from every 100 right swipes on Tinder Welcome to Tinder, dude. Fine tune your Tinder profile, get better photos and recognize that you’re going to be shotgunning swipes because you’ve got next to no information aside from a photo to go on. – Developing a nice exchange of messages but never hearing from her again when you suggest going for a drink; This just means that someone wasn’t interested in meeting you for a drink. Women, on average, don’t like feeling like they’re interchangeable, and a guy who’s giving them the feeling that he just wants if it hadn’t been on a dating site.

When we see people in person, we process those signs and signals so quickly that we don’t realize that we’ve gone through a checklist. Your attitude literally bleeds into everything you do, in ways that you don’t think about.

We just know “Yes, I’m attracted to that person” or “No, I’m not”. An amazing actor can pull this off for a little while. It affects how you talk to people, the way you perceive the world and how you interact with it. And like Binary Sunset, this is a theme that’s going to be recurring throughout your letter.

And while, yes, we are dealing with the consequences of the paradox of choice when it comes to dating, that’s something that affects men and women.

Which means – say it with me now: this isn’t an example of female privilege.

These are the Post-Mortems, where we dissect a letter and dig through the remains in order to get to the heart of the issue. Many times, we’re having to liberally apply the Chair Leg of Truth to a lifetime of beliefs.