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Here are some things you should think about before having Skype sex: Control your background If the first thing you saw when the Skype video screen loaded was your girlfriend’s period bloodstained sheets, your wiener would go soft instantaneously, right? In the same vein, you should probably clean up your room a little bit before you log in. The key is turning her on enough so that when she finally sees you in person, she’s powerless to her own desires and immediately rips your clothes off.
No woman can feel sexy when your bong, your dirty clothes, containers of quickly-rotting food, crushed beer cans, etc. You want her to be engrossed by your boner, not grossed out by your living quarters. Clean yourself, too If sex were a movie, Skype sex would be the previews. (It doesn’t have to be a perfect shear; just something a little more groomed than it would be otherwise.) Put on a clean shirt. Practice your ‘O’ face Oh god, the first time I ever saw what my face looks like during an orgasm… When you are having an orgasm, your face will–and that’s WILL, not might, there are no exceptions to this rule–contort into the most awkward, twitching, convoluted mess you could possibly imagine.
Practice in a mirror, but if that’s too weird, record yourself when you’re by yourself so you can see what you look like and try to tone it down.
Practice what you’re going to say You can only repeat “that’s so sexy” so many times before it’s boring/not a turn-on anymore, and trying to think up sexy things on the spot can be difficult.
As someone who was simply relegated to phone sex with her long-distance boyfriend while she was in college, this is HUGE.
It’s like starring in your own private little porno for two.
But, as Spiderman reminds us, with great power comes great responsibility, and Skype sex is no exception.