And that is something I do – I look specifically for empathy.

And guess what…on those very rare occasions when the idea of kissing/sleeping with someone is not downright unappealing, they’re cold and narcissistic, and so I walk away.

I’m not going to say whether these women are right, although THEY certainly feel they are.

older women dating younger men couples-50

I have tried being with people I don’t find attractive – and I usually remain friends with very nice men I have tried to date but didn’t find attractive, and I’m afraid they don’t start growing on me. Have you come across this and do you think the reason I find so many men physically unappealing is because of something psychological? After all of your therapy, you are as self-aware as you can be, and yet it still seems to me that you have some significant blind spots about your problem.

Some of my friends think it’s do with the bar being raised…I’m quite attractive myself and I’ve had a lot of attention from the opposite of sex since I was about 13, including the “very good looking”, so perhaps it’s just knowing what I could have and that that’s influencing me? Now, first of all, I want to make it crystal clear: you are not alone.

I find the vast, vast, vast majority of men unattractive.

Mostly it’s that I don’t have any physical attraction to them, but once in a while (about twice a year if I’m on a lot of dating sites, or once every few years if I’m not), I’ll meet someone I actually think is good looking (a hint here is that I find most celebrities physically unattractive, apparently my sex drive is picky but I couldn’t tell you why – although I DO have a high sex drive…).

However, I’m also aware having been through a lot of therapy after numerous and significant mental health difficulties (eating disorders etc.) that I tend to date cold or unavailable men and then not ask for more and maintain that emotional distance – essentially, I seem to have been in a habit of avoiding intimacy by going out with people I don’t find attractive, or more often than I’d like to admit, men who I know are gay before I even ask them out…otherwise they’re narcissistic or give mixed messages, or aren’t close in some way etc.

Knowing that I have that pattern, I made a promise to myself to pick up on coldness whenever I find someone attractive and to walk away.

A lot of times, black women expect one man to conquer the world and give up everything and risk everyone’s life with constant stress of being victimized by people who are against him, and if he doesn’t choose that, he’s a cowardly piece of shit.

When I bring up the FACT that black women were also terrified of making the leap to love across color lines, historical context and justifications are given.

Very attractive woman – a 43-year-old personal trainer who hated online dating for the very reason you mentioned. When we went through the website to take inventory, I asked her to put 40 guys on her favorites list. The only 6 guys she found attractive looked like 32-year-old GQ models whose preferred age range was 22-29.