There were many times where he played into my fear of his addiction being my fault…if we were together more often he wouldn’t have these issues.There were many years where I just willed myself to be with him because I couldn’t stand the guilt of making his addiction return or worsen.

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To not want to have “his kind” of sex means I’m frigid.

The women in pornography have seen it all and done it all. I felt that I needed to fulfill or at least try anything he asked of me in order for him not to use porn.

DOWNLOAD “HOPE AFTER PORN” Wanting to set goals for myself or plan out and pursue a dream of mine means I’m too independent. I started realizing that he looked at women in “1D,” so to speak. None of that interested him, so it seemed silly for me to focus on any of that in my own life. My goal was to meet his needs so that he wouldn’t reject or abandon me, which was a core fear for me most of my life. Extensions, blonde highlights, nail salons, low cut shirts, diet plans, lipo, push up bras…the list goes on and on.

I had become so enmeshed into what my husband wanted that my dream actually became for him to fulfill all of his dreams. Well, I’m a chunky, 5’1” brunette who has to shop in the kids department for jeans. I tried to satisfy his gourmet tastes, but now I know that porn creates an insatiable appetite that cannot be satisfied.

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It is because of these unrealistic expectations I placed on our relationship that I chased after these lies and accepted them as a reality in my life. Therefore, if I try making our life all about my husband and leave my needs at the door he won’t need pornography anymore. on a weeknight to play a sport I knew or cared nothing about.

My husband never verbalized of this, it was purely my own insecurity that led me to believe that if I could only change in some way, I could maintain control of the outcome…this was the ultimate lie. The women in pornography, on the other hand, don’t require anything of the participant. Our life revolved around him and his needs, which in turn gave me a false sense of security. There are no additions or subtractions to the man’s request.

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Meeting someone online in video chat is way better any social network, messenger or chat.

He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.