They cannot trust others, who will only say “No” or hurt them. Beginning in childhood, the poisonous seed of the avoider mentality is planted: As a child cannot get their needs met when asking for them, or as they get rejected, they learn that they must rely on themselves alone to get what they desire.The party that is more secure in terms of their attachment style enables the creation of a push-pull dynamic in terms of investment, further compounding the fears that the avoider feels.

Powerful drugs in the body promote attachment to your partner-oxytocin, pheylethylamine, opioids, dopamine, and prolactin, as well as becoming addicted to each other’s pheromones.

Activities such as sleeping together, cuddling, sex, touching, and thinking about the other person lead to mutual attachment.

In order to feel complex and deep emotions for someone in dating, we need to take risks.

I don’t mean to hurt people or make them crazy it’s just what I think inside!

To assuage these feelings, an avoider can move from relationship to relationship feeling the initial emotional highs of “falling in love” to medicate their feelings of loneliness, depression, and isolation…. Once the relationship becomes more serious and as time goes on, the insecurities come out, and the avoider will want to leave based on all the issues that are coming up.

The unfortunate issue is that the avoider will never experience the power and rewards of a steady and stable long-term relationship.

Avoiders believe that they must rely on themselves alone to meet their own needs The buried traumas of the past let avoiders function pretty effectively in their daily lives, at least at the surface.

It’s easier just to deal with things themselves then risk that.

As two people’s psychobiological systems become melded, they create one interwoven neurohormonal system.