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The Virus On some level I was prepared for the assholes, because I know enough people who’ve dated online to know that good manners and 10th-grade spelling abilities are underrepresented in the world I’d so reluctantly just joined. True, I still recognized it for the maniacal word vomit that it was, and true, I rolled my eyes so hard at “I know beauty. I didn’t respond, but I’m ashamed to admit that I kept that message because I thought it was really about me. The Cry for Help There must come a time, after you’ve been online dating for months or even years, when you feel your spirit leaving your body. You’ll still sign in and look at people’s profiles, just to pass the time, but you won’t think of them as humans any longer. Some part of me knows that what you are supposed to do when you want to get to know someone is ask him/her questions about him/herself, and not just because you hope you can then turn the conversation back around to you.

What I was not prepared for were the copy-pasters, the virus transmitters, the people who apparently send identical messages (or gently mutated versions thereof) to the owner of every female profile they can find. Its my drug” that my eyes fell out of my head and I had to pop them back in. They might look like people, but then so do you, and you know that all you are anymore is a shell. It’s hard to know for sure when it will happen, though my experience suggests that you’re probably getting close when you find yourself sending messages like the ones below. “I need to laugh right now, since I was broken up with on Valentine’s day. And we can discuss the annunaki, nibiru, and the blue spirals! Some part of me knows that I would never stroll into a bar announcing my various accomplishments and character traits to a guy I thought was hot—so why would I (or anyone in their right mind) do the same thing in a message?

I realize that some of them know this is the case and just don’t care. i also must say that you have a stunning smile that would light up the darkest of nights & you look simply gorgeous in your pictures which i am sure do you no justice to how you look in person. Not just the good looking girl you see occasionally, I’m talking like the kind of beauty that you don’t EVER see. Hmm, maybe bribe her with the option of cooking food for her, starting with something grilled or possibly stir fried.

I’ll even concede that writing messages to prospective girlfriends/boyfriends can be an intimidating business, and that having an outline of a message that works well for one’s personal style is not the gravest sin to ever be committed. coz i am a gentleman awaiting your reply....” We all got this message at least twice in our stays, of varying lengths, on Ok Cupid. He’s not just copy-pasting the same message to different people, he’s copy-pasting it to the SAME people, multiple times. i hope that you had a wonderful wednesday & hey i look forward to hearing back from a beautiful lady such as yourself ! You know how a person addicted to drugs knows his drugs, he knows the “good shit” from the “not-so-good shit”? Then pull out the cheesecake I made a few hours prior along with some yummy fruit toppings.

It’s a thing you say to a woman if you are an asshole who believes that, ultimately, what women really want is for someone to be mean to them. Far be it from me to deny a lady a good blow to her self-esteem now and again, if she promises me that’s what she wants and she’s really okay and she agrees to come hang out with me later, just girls. Lo and behold, a few bravely delusional spirits soldier on.

I just feel pretty safe saying that, as a whole, humans don’t like when people are nasty to them. Sometimes it’s clear they know what they’re doing, which is the worst possible type of neg. I don’t know.) Sometimes it’s clear that they are just hapless goons.A brief glance at my profile would have revealed that I’m not the type of person who enjoys shooting guns, rock climbing, or generally any activities in which something going wrong means that I die. I have folks that work for/with me and they are used to seeing me in my meetings with tie and suit and dont want them to know about the fitness side and shirtless pics online ahah” THIS IS THE BEST.Plus, it mostly just sounds like he’s going to try to make off with my mall purchases when I’m not looking. Not in a real way, obviously—not in a way where I’d ever want to respond, or meet him. When a little message popped up in the bottom right-hand corner of my screen saying “Hello, tall girl,” I screamed. I say “around” because I deleted so many of them immediately (having them sit in my inbox felt contaminating) that I cannot report with scientific precision the exact count. I actually think it makes me decidedly un-special, because to many of the messages’ authors I was clearly no more than one more female-looking thing who might be intrigued by the dashing brevity of a message reading only “sup? I had myself signed in to chat accidentally, because I didn’t even realize it was there. In a month on Ok Cupid, I received around 130 messages.I would feel bad, except that the authors of the messages that provoke that kind of reaction most certainly do not give a fuck. Because they sent that same exact masturbatory-ass message to me AND two of my friends. So I’ve come up with a few categories of messages that you’re liable to receive if you find yourself being simultaneously female and in possession of an online dating profile.