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I wore a cute bare-shouldered top, hair in beachy waves, and a glossy red lip. As Tim and I left, I did what I probably shouldn’t have; I glanced backto see if I was being seen. Had he gone through all of the same activities of MY dream date he and I had shared, but with her, the night before? Was I just a passive subject in his self-absorbed Adonis Show? On vacation with just Tim and I, I’m afraid I’m not enough; not interesting enough, not good enough at planning. I need to get some free time soon so we can hang out! We enjoyed each other’s company for a little while, then I had to go and pick up my son.As Tim and I were finishing our trendy plates, in saunters Adonis with a beautiful lady conspicuously dressed in the previous night’s date-dress. I almost turned into a pillar of salt; the lovely lady was gazing over her shoulder at me! I thought, jokingly in my mind, about how, later, I’d tease Adonis, saying that because I was just trying to be discreet, knowing Adonis would surely be jealous of my captivating date (Tim). And I can never make our family go back to what it used to be for Tim, and what if a vacation with me as the only adult is just no fun? There were some emojis, an illustrated laundry list of his work, and some flirty words included. But unfortunately, this was one of those annoying texting situations where it was hard to tell what the real meaning was. (Oh the joy of having wise women around you to interpret the cryptic man-text! I went from feeling closed off and hopeless that I’d ever date again to goofing around with a sexy man on a patio on a sunny June afternoon.It’s a good thing that I have a choice over how I spend my time, and that I am lucky enough to have vacation time and good friends and family to plan things with. Then, I just started to feel like it was all pointless. Some kind of fluffy wildflowers along the path were sending seed puffs waving in the wind and flying up into the sun. The words came to my mind, “All we have is Presence,” meaning, the only thing that matters is right now. I’d love to take him on a bunch of weekend trips and a road trip out west. I’ll explain plenty more about him in future posts. Over text messages, I awkwardly informed him that he was a true rebound. On the other hand, I’ve always handled this kind of planning, and I don’t want to interact with the ex any more than I have to.
When he gets up to go to the bathroom I decide to risk asking him about his politics when he returns. All I can think about is how people in earshot must be so annoyed to have to listen to our attempt to connect. This was before I’d called the Centaur but after I’d met him and got his number. They are so cute together, cracking each other up all day, developing inside jokes and having fun.
As I was leaving the nightmare awkward date, above, I looked to my right and realized The Centaur had been sitting there the whole time, hearing every word. Today, it’s the process of planning vacations that sets me off (I know, I’m pretty lucky if this is the type of thing that gets me upset). Tim has his two middle-school aged cousins in town this week, and life is good.
It’s a tough world out there, and if there’s something that brings you comfort and hurts no one, by all means, you do You! He popped up beside me and we had fun like we’d never had before. (I’d show the pics to you, but then I’d have to kill you :-))We took off and he showed off his skills for a while. As I observed him in his element, I felt enchanted.
Later, I went up to the front of the crowd to enjoy the last band. He said something to me along the lines of “My friend wanted to know who I was flirting with and I was like: ‘Oh, that’s just Mama Bear’ and she was like, ‘THAT’S Mama Bear? Driving to the small airport, we conversed about passionate living and friendship. His favorite, he edited “for your grandchildren” he said.
Abruptly, his face turned away from me, his left hand sliding up to mouth. We went outside and played in the pouring rain like toddlers. We had incredible conversations about philosophy, work, jealousy, and more. XO, Molly Undercover I’m going to need to be complainey here just for a minute, ok?
At a few points, he’d thrust a harmonica or a violin at me to solo (both of which I happened to used to love to play a million years ago but suck at now.) We danced together and he lifted me in the air, spinning me around.I didn’t feel up to hanging out with my ex and his whole family!I stammered something about not being sure that was the best plan and ‘let’s work it out later’ and got off the phone. Clearly I’m in no state to have a fun birthday dinner as a reconfigured family. Here’s what I wasn’t being honest about: I’m assuming Tim’s going to be heartbroken to have only one parent there at a time.Thinking that Tim might be sad if both parents weren’t there, I countered that maybe we should do it all together and invite some other relatives.Immediately I felt myself recoil from my own suggestion.Yes, vacations were happy experiences, but I tried to use to make up for weeks and months of isolation and lack of support in my relationship. We have a little nature trail you can take that leads to a coffee shop. Hey, somebody’s gotta get egg on their face and show they like the other person at some point, right? It’s never been easier to find and communicate with the objects of our admiration–and to make dumb mistakes at a rapid pace, too! With Love, Molly Undercover In her famous Ted talk on vulnerability, Brené Brown says, “vulnerability is. I felt repulsed by the idea of being in a relationship again and hopeless that I’d never be able to connect with a man again. We were the only people there, which amped up the awkward feeling. Nervous and feeling vulnerable, I did the old ‘cheek turn’ trick and let him plant one there. I just had such a hot mess of a phone call with his Dad about it. I’m trying to be cool and functional and reasonable, but inside I’m still dealing with some strong feelings , and I know it shows in my voice and my decisions.