Be courageous enough to express love and shine your light. Single men and women can find very creative ways to keep others out.

No one is going to be open with you unless he knows he has your full and undivided attention.

You feel guarded, you have a wall up, you can’t get close to people and you’re afraid of getting hurt. We would all like to love with reckless abandon but we can’t because of that one relationship, with that one asshole, that one time. If you’re guarded it’s because you believe that you’re something you are not and you are fighting to maintain that image your ego has made. Brick by brick you have to start to dismantle those barriers and start living and dating. So how do you break down your walls and begin to date freely?

When I learned to simply say yes or no and stop explaining I found that I could get my point across a lot easier.

Walls protect us from having to share the back story. Learning to say yes, no and I don’t want to talk about it can be critical in dating. Sometimes we’re afraid to answer straightforward questions so we avoid getting close to anyone who might ask.

So what happens when your friend or love isn’t open and you’re having trouble coaxing the words out? It will get you nowhere to demand, plead, or threaten.

Getting someone to open up has everything to do with that person feeling safe and secure. Understand that some closed-off people have hidden wounds. Each person falls somewhere on the continuum of extrovert and introvert, guarded and transparent. It can be frustrating when someone you love refuses to open up to you. If we never get asked the question then we don’t have to explain the answer. This also absolves from having to ask the tough questions as well.Communication can be done by learning to own your No’s and Yes’s. Make sure the context and conditions are right for open communication. Convey to this person that you “get” what he’s saying and you identify with his feelings. Be a “role model.” Verbalize your own thoughts and feelings, and then allow plenty of space for them to do the same. Own your ability to say yes and no instead of keeping walls up to avoid the question.