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"Understanding these dynamics and learning to discuss what went wrong in the relationship, apologize and make changes will give both partners much more insight into themselves and their marriage—and might even help to make their relationship affair-proof in the future," she says.
His advice: "Take it one day at a time and start prioritizing healthy habits, like going to the gym and starting therapy, to help you rebuild your life and your relationship." On the other hand, the wake of an affair can actually help you focus on yourself.
"People who recover from infidelity are usually able to go within themselves and recapture their center of power," says Kerner.
One mom of two from Connecticut found that she was more attracted to her husband than ever when she discovered he was having an affair.
"It was almost as if I felt in competition for my husband's affections and I had to win him back from her," she says.
Give the Tiani 2 a try and see for yourself: shop.) Or perhaps after living in a relatively unhappy relationship your sexual appetite will be boosted simply by the excitement of being with a new, more attentive partner.
"Because my husband and I had been together so long, and from such a young age, I didn't realize that I was actually attractive to other men and that I could be attracted to them, too," says one woman from Annapolis, MD.
The flip side: The person who is being cheated on will suffer a major blow to his or her self-esteem, points out Tessina.
"After being cheated on by my husband, at first I felt embarrassed and like I just wasn't enough.
"For some people, an affair can make them lose focus on other aspects of their life.
Self-care, their career trajectory, friendships, and thoughtful parenting can all take a backseat," says Kerner.
"We had a lot of wild sex, often following explosive arguments about the affair," she says. "Sex can be a powerful way to heal after cheating," says Kerner.