If you feel that this is what you’ll have to resort to in order to get your ex back, then you might want to reconsider whether he’s the right guy for you. Do a self-esteem check-in and ask yourself these questions: Do you feel good about yourself? Do you have good friends, hobbies, passions, a sense of purpose and meaning?

MORE: Ask a Guy- How Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back? Do you realize that you are valuable and significant and worthy of having an amazing relationship? The answer might hurt, it may even make you cry, but you need to feel it, you need to get in touch with your true self and you need to nurture that part of you.

Maybe he cheated and that’s why it ended, but beneath that, there is more to the story. If you want to get back together with your ex, you need to understand the real reasons why you broke up and objectively assess if these are things you can deal with and resolve. Breakups don’t usually come out of nowhere, they’re usually the result of a buildup of many things.

In a good, healthy relationship, you’ll be accepted for who you are.

You won’t feel the need to act a certain way or play a certain part for fear that your real self isn’t good enough. Yes, I know you’re miserable now because you’re going through a breakup, but in general is your life how you want it to be?

What draws us into bad relationships and keeps us stuck in them for far too long is low self-esteem.

We don’t believe we can do better and reason that something is better than nothing so we have nothing to lose. If you don’t believe you’re good enough, you will continue to date men who make you feel unworthy and you’ll stay because deep down you think this is what you deserve. Until you realize this and work through whatever needs to be worked through, you won’t be able to have a healthy, happy relationship with anyone, be it your ex or some other guy.

I’ve seen ex-back scenarios unfold in a variety of ways—some that end in utter, massive heartbreak, others that end with a trip down the aisle.

I’ve even seen couples get remarried after many years being divorced who are now happier than ever! This is a pretty fun topic for me personally because I’m married to my high school ex-boyfriend, and my college ex-boyfriend is my business partner, so I guess you could say I’m a real ex-back success story!

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’ Is he really the right man for you, the one who understands you and appreciates you and just gets you, or are you afraid of being alone, afraid of not being able to find better, afraid of putting yourself back out there on the dating market?

Before you do anything, try to uncover the real reasons you want him back in your life.

Or did you feel constantly stressed and anxious, always on edge?